The ultimate issue we have these days is figuring out “how to be happy.” In many scenarios we want to find happiness for different reasons.
Whether it be after a hard breakup, mourning a loss or even slight depression.
Maybe it’s just so hard to get up in the morning without a purpose. Everyone is different and in this article, I wanted to make sure you have many techniques and strategies to find a little bit happiness.
Using these techniques can save your life if you devote yourself to actually using them. For me personally – they have been a staple in my unstoppable confidence and helping me push forward every day to become great.
Stop Chasing Money Fame And Glory –
If you read my other piece about the definition of happiness, you’ll find that fame and money are only a temporary highs which fades with time. Giving you a sense of wanting more.
This is not how you become happier. So the first order of business is to try and stop chasing the material things in life. They will make you smile, but after 2 weeks time – you’ll be back to the more miserable state.
“Fame does not define me. If you are looking for fame to define you, then you will never be happy and you’ll always be searching for happiness, and you will never find it in fame.” Cameron Diaz.
According to an interview the actress was in, you’ve got to be more authentic with yourself and not to chase fame:
The struggle of trying to be successful is stressful in itself, but you don’t have to wait until your definition of success is at it’s end to feel happy. You can and should be happy with the process and struggle of trying to become successful.
During this time, you will have many experiences. Ups and downs which ultimately become your unique path. but if you wait until later to be happy, you’ll never find it. You will keep looking and searching for the mysterious “happy life”.
Love the process, and love it with passion and intent to become better within yourself. It’s the only way I can justify chasing success the right way for happiness.
Challenge Yourself –
There are plenty of ways to keep your mind in check and a constant challenge not only helps with paving a way to your happiness, it keeps you alive.
Whenever we engage in activities which are scary at first, we automatically try and divert back to the good old comfort zone.
The thing is, we only do this because of our human need to survive and avoid change. Our mind tells us lies in order to shy away from challenges. By taking on tasks which help us grow as people, we remember how adaptation has occurred forever.
It also reminds us that we are alive. You know how thrill seekers continue to jump out of airplanes and snowboarders hit the slopes? Well they do this because of the rush of knowing they are actually alive and living.
It’s only them in the moment which counts. If the mind jumps to other things, you can actually die. Which is why challenging yourself forces you to pay close attention to what is happening.
Not only for life and death situation, but fun challenges as well.
For example, I’m horrible at playing soccer. Growing up, I played just about every other sport under the sun. I was a dead ringer in my softball team in my early teens. My basketball skills increase tremendously as a teen (although my height hindered any pursuit of that). And now, when I discovered the beautiful game of soccer I wondered if I was a natural.
Yes, with a sports background I had a slight edge, but this was a whole different ball game… literally.
So I dove in head first. Learned a bunch, and knew I couldn’t read a book on playing soccer without actual practice. So I just went out and tried. The process was and still is very tedious and hard. Also very frustrating, but no one said it will be easy.
I can tell with 100% confidence that every time I practice, I get better. And every time I work on some drill or even just get out of my comfort zone, I am happier than if I just stood on the side lines living vicariously through others.
This new challenge makes me a better happier person every single time i go out and try. Granted, I’m still horrible, but it gives me meaning to get better and improve my life.
Incidentally, this challenge helps me in all other areas of my life as well. Such as reflexes, problem solving, and much more.
But, when you are in the moment, you’ll feel change coming and in the end the satisfaction of taking on such tasks will be very rewarding.
Challenge yourself often and become better. This will help you find a better, happier place.
Engage In Meaningful Activities –
Similar to the previous point, engaging in something worth your time is something to consider. What do you find meaningful and impactful.
When you do this, you’ll find yourself with intense focus. “Flow” is what it’s normally referenced to. During this session of intense focus, you’re not thinking about anything else other than completing your task or pushing forward.
For me, writing helps me feel better. Also reading a good non-fiction book. When I read or write, it seems as if I’m in a conversation with just one person. Either I’m speaking to someone, or they’re speaking to me in a dark room. It’s not that creepy in my head.
but when you’re in flow, you feel a surge of happiness in productivity and satisfaction.
There is no time for unhappiness, or negative thoughts and feelings. Only the task at hand.
What do you enjoy doing? Playing your guitar? Painting? Maybe even playing poker. These are activities most people put off to the side. Kind of like luxuries which are only worked on when you deserve it.
Well guess what? You deserve it whenever you feel like it. You deserve to be happier every time you feel sad or depressed.
Look at it this way, what productive activity will you be able to do when your head in not in the game? I doubt many good ones. I know I can’t perform my greatest without doing things I enjoy on a regular basis. When I choose.
Not just “later, when I deserve it.” Our society gets bogged down with social pressures and jargon so we feel like we must follow what the masses believe through memes and social media garbage.
No, you can do what you want, you have your own mind and voice.
So go and partake in your more meaningful activities. Live more present.
We’ll talk more about being more “present” in the moment soon. For now
P.S. Apparently those who just stare at the television screen have lower happiness levels. Keep that in mind.
Be More Generous –
It wasn’t until recently, I found out how amazing it felt to help someone in need without a care of payback.
This was something I had not really done in the past, yet when I helped a family member who needed me – a feeling or pure love jolted through my body. And stayed there for quite some time.
When you are nicer in general to folks who may or may not be out to destroy you, there is an emotional response we have.
This response makes you smile down the street, knowing you’ve done well. A slight justification within yourself that, “no – you aren’t really a bad person. You’ve done well.”
This alone, if done on a regular basis, without bias towards revenge or payback will help you on your journey.
Yes there will be folks who try and take advantage of you, but understand that those people will not be as happy in their entire lives as you felt in the moment. Don’t get angry, just move on and forget about dealing with that person again.
On the other hand, don’t expect anything in return when you give. If there is any feeling of resentment, then you’re doing it wrong and you’ll never find happiness this way. There has to be absolutely no attachment to what action or gift you’re giving.
No matter what you’ve been brought up to think, we’ve come to a place where everyone is skeptical about getting a gift. No one trusts you, especially when the social media craze has taken over our thoughts.
We are “forced” to believe that people are evil and if someone does an act of kindness, they are up to something or want a return.
In our case, yes we are looking for something very deeply. Happiness in giving. I will not be sorry for the feeling I get from doing something very nice. Whether it be a simple conversation to make another person smile, or a giving a grand to someone in need (without any thought of getting it back).
Giving is strong, do it and you’ll just be a better person. When you don’t include this into your routine, you’ll have more trouble finding happiness, than if you did.
Smile More – It Does Something Special
There is a saying “you can never deny how smiling makes you feel.” Smile right now, just do it.
No judgement or thinking necessary. If you think it’s corny or useless, then you’ve lost the point. Just smile, genuinely. Make the facial movement and you will instantly see and feel how much better smiling makes you feel.
If for any reason you’re having trouble doing so, think of a happy thought. A funny video 2 weeks ago.
Regardless, if you simply smile more, you’ll find yourself with zero problems for that slight moment. This is a great way to push forward to finding your happiness.
You can never deny the feeling a smile gives you. No matter what happens, just do it. Even if you have absolutely nothing to smile about. Take a deep breathe and give yourself a genuine smile.
If you want to learn how to be happy, then I suggest smile more often. You’ll be surprised at how well you feel afterwards.
Also, going out and make someone else smile will actually make you feel even better. It may be hard at first since your world may give you absolutely nothing to be happy about…
…but if you can just put those feelings aside for 10 minutes and help someone else out in the slightest way. With bags, groceries, or having a friendly light conversation – you may just walk away the slightest bit happier.
Accept Yourself –
In the great book “psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, he discusses the fact that you are not your past. So there is no reason to identify yourself with any blunders holding you back.
This may seem simple, yet the point is very profound. Accepting yourself as you are, a person who may make a mistake, or may make someone very happy.
Regardless, it’s okay to be who you are. Not who you were.
In this busy world we live in, we are constantly distracted by ads and other jargon. This doesn’t even include the complex and compulsive thinking which plagues our thoughts every minute.
Thinking so much will cloud our judgement and let us believe some made up opinion or thought. It’s not real, but our minds can’t tell the difference between what’s real or fake. Whatever you keep telling yourself, like “Man, my life sucks” – you will actually believe it. Your circumstances in the recent past may be garbage, but do you have a roof over your head? Are you able to eat food?
Then, my friend – your life isn’t as bad as it could be.
Stop telling yourself these negative stories. If you don’t you’ll never be happy in your own skin.
Don’t dwell on your past or even the future. If you believe what is happening in front of you in the moment and there is no time to remember the past or think of the future.
When you do this, you’ll find a slight sense of peace. In this moment, you can accept yourself and be a little more happy. Accept yourself for who you are right now, not yesterday or who you want to be tomorrow. Then you’ll be on your way to figuring out how to be happier.
Forgive yourself and remember you do not identify with yesterday, but with right now.
Give Yourself Some Needed Internal Attention –
It may sound a bit weird, but in meditation you are told to focus on your body – and specifically different parts. For example if you feel the wind on your face, focus on the part of your face which is being hit.
It will shift your focus on you and not wandering thoughts. Try and relax by shifting your focus on your how your body feels. Not how it looks, but how the environment affects you.
Take a deep breathe in and stretch your neck to both sides, only focusing on your neck. Do it for just about every part of your body and you’ll be happier in the moment than if you’d skip this exercise.
This will give your body some much needed attention and as a result make you feel better.
Let go of Negativity coming from the outside.
People usually have nothing better to do than insult others. Whether it’s behind closed doors or passively. Don’t join in these conversations, or bite when the hook is looking to get a fish.
It’s toxic to you and everyone else around and tends to show in your character down the road.
You know it’s perfectly fine to NOT respond when someone speaks right? It took me a long time to figure this out. Through others simply not responding to comments I made or deflecting a question.
There is nothing wrong with just ignoring negative comments and just moving on. Do it often and the toxicity around you will slowly stop and move in the opposite direction.
It’s funny actually. The awkward silence when a “friend” talks negatively about another person, and you just don’t respond or give it any attention. You’ll find it hilarious and soon they’ll get the picture.
Boredom Is A Choice –
Did you know that boredom is completely a personal issue? If you’re bored at any given time, you can immediately change the feeling.
One way to do so is to actually work on yourself. Learn to appreciate your own character.
For example, I’m a clown and if I were in a crowded group there are two options I’d have. First would be to act like my normal “wierd” self, or to clam up and be bored with myself. Hiding under this social blanket, scared of what others would think about me.
Sorry, but my life isn’t long enough to hide forever. If I cannot be myself around anyone, how would I live with myself down the road? Why bother going outside?
This is why you should learn to accept your crazy, your personality. Appreciate your ability to make yourself laugh. Always look at the greatness around you, don’t focus on the negative.
Don’t dwell on your past issues either, this will bring resentment – which does absolutely nothing for us in the moment or future. No one is perfect, and you should live your live knowing that.
Yeah, it sounds cliche, but let’s be real here – It’s your choice to live it instead of think these sayings are corny.
There shouldn’t be any time during the day when you feel bored unless that’s a goal. And that’s perfectly fine, since you chose to feel this way.
Talk With Someone You Trust –
When you express yourself to someone, whether or not they pay attention or not – will help you feel better.
Letting it out is a huge relief. And if you can take it, ask for their opinion or advice. Maybe you can learn a thing or two about yourself, or better yet, learn something about yourself.
It takes courage to talk about your issues, especially in this day in age. We are all so bottled up in our own minds. You can take charge or yourself with some small wins such as talking about it.
Understand Your Value –
On this constant journey to find yourself, or just to become happy, we often find ourselves taking crap from others.
It may not be intentional, but subtle conversations with other people can really hurt your progress to finding happiness.
If for any reason you are doubting yourself, abolish this thought at once. Your self sabotage will take away your credibility. The past is the past and doesn’t determine your future.
We all have those negative thoughts looming around, it’s our job to push through them and move forward.
If someone simple tells you “self help” doesn’t work, they obviously don’t have your best interests at heart. This person is jaded because of some bad experience in his life, or some false perception.
This will hurt your progress, keeping that thought in the back of your mind as you keep pushing forward. Their greedy minds are literally stealing from you.
Stay true to yourself and your goals. Don’t ever let anyone speak down to you or your goals.
Negative emotions are toxic for growth and should be avoided like the plague. It is very hard to do these days with the news and the constant barrage of doom and gloom.
But you can avoid involving yourself and increase your own value by doing so. Happiness is in many forms, and this one tip can really help in many areas of your life.
Don’t Feel Bad About Failing –
When and if you fall off the horse, just dust your backside off and try again. Nothing you are stressing about in the moment will matter down the line. True failure only happens when you quit.
There is no shame in getting up and trying again. In fact, it should be required to keep trying. Imagine where our society would be if we quit when the first test failed?
Probably still working on the whole creating fire stuff. Heck Mr. Einstein failed like 109 times before he became successful. Most people don’t ever try that many times.
You have the power to make it happen, so don’t be ashamed when the first try isn’t what you expected.
I’ve failed in everything I’ve done. And, I’ve been scared each time, but the best thing to ever happen to me were those failures.
Only then was I able to see the truth about myself and how I live. After the failures, you can learn what to do better. Personally, I don’t think I’ve failed enough. I want to fail at double the rate of an average person, so I can become greater than I’ve ever been.
Come with me for a second. Any hero you admire in your life has failed more times than anyone would care to even try. Whether it be in sports, business, relationships, etc…
There is an emotional curve when you learn something new, or try something. But you’re always learning nonetheless, so accept that emotional curve.
Because the pain should be a reward of trying and being better. If you look at the end of a sports match, these players are in pain when they cross the finish line. When you hit the gym, you’re putting yourself under stress and pain to get a better result for your life.
If these folks quit when the pain came along, then guess what – your favorite hero would never be that great person you admire.
Don’t expect to ever cross the finish line without any sweat or work. You can always see the tip of the iceberg, but what’s underneath is an entire glacier of hurt pain and failures.
Embrace it, and become a strong individual.
Be Fine Where You Are –
You’re not perfect, none of us are. It’s okay to just accept that, and move on with your life. If you’re not rich and famous right now, it’s okay. Just keep pushing forward.
Ask yourself some good questions like “what hasn’t worked in my life?” And “What has worked in my life?” Then use the answers to scale up on what has worked when moving forward in your life.
Dwelling on the past will never help you. It will stop you dead in your tracks and keep you in angry, sad mode. You have no time for these shenanigans. Be happy for everything you’ve learned and experienced.
Like I said earlier, accept your situation for what it is. You can change if you want to. The first step is to decide, then take action. If you’re constantly thinking about your regrets, “I should of done this, or that” – then you’ll never be happy with the now. You’ll be stopped dead in your tracks, wondering what if.
Doing this will hurt you and everyone around. They will see it, and if you don’t take care of yourself – others might look the other way. That could be something you want, but for your own livelihood and mental well being – let’s make sure you don’t fall victim to this.
Be Happy With What You Have – Gratitude
If you want to learn how to be happy every day in life…
Then consider this. You have to let go of the drama. Yes it may seem a bit abstract, but let’s try and break it down.
You see, when you constantly think about the negative jargon in your life, you leave no room to grow. Jargon = Drama.
When there is a life struggle which is on your mind, there is no room for solutions. Your mind is too occupied. When you let go of these emotions that are on your mind constantly, you take control of your life.
It may not be easy, but here is what you can do to start.
Gratitude. What in the world are you grateful for?
I’m grateful to have a computer to type with. I’m grateful for have functional hands to feel with. I’m also grateful to be breathing enough to get oxygen.
It can be very simple. From eating a grape, to having a loving child. No matter what you’re grateful for, think of 10 things every day you’re grateful for and you’ll appreciate life a little more.
Do it for a day and you’ll be happy for a day. Do it every day, and you’ll live a happier life overall.
You’ll learn how to appreciate having shoes, sneakers, a hat. Anything which you took for granted comes to the front of your mind now. Sounds simple, but remember we need to take the first bite.
How To Be Happy Alone
I’m asked this question a lot. And it boils down to who you see in the mirror.
There’s a book which I reference often called “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant. He explains how he went through a very very dark time in his life due to a death. His life was virtually over and didn’t know what to do. Or rather, didn’t care about anything.
After a long while he started to realize how bad things were for him. Not because of the grievance, but what he’d become. Then slowly came to realizing how his self worth was at an all time low. Something had to change.
The thing about our society these days is, we look for others to entertain us. We always want someone else to be around, or to love. In a lot of cases you might love someone else more than you love yourself.
I’m sure you know a couple people right now who put others before themselves. Heck, you might be one of them. Yet the problem with this is, we depend on others for the happiness we DON’T have.
And if for some reason they leave or disappear, we are completely empty inside. A relationship for example can leave you so empty, suicide comes into the picture. The pit of your stomach just hurts because of your dependance on that partner.
It’s similar to addiction to drugs. A sort of withdrawal symptom.
So in order to get over this feeling of dependence, we have to learn to love ourselves. And I mean deep love for ourselves.
Kamal had an issue because he just didn’t love himself. So he worked hard every day until he loved himself deep. Doing exercises in the mirror. Mantras, and other rituals to make sure his mind truly believed in that deep love.
And it saved his life. Which is why the book title is so powerful. You’ve got to love yourself like your life depends on it, because it does.
If you’re alone without self love, you will be lost. On a continuous journey for satisfaction elsewhere. And that cycle leads to misery and regrets.
I suggest you pick up that book, it’s a short read but very powerful. It may seem a little woo woo, but look past those insecurities. Because if you’re looking to be happy in any which way – you won’t find it doubting the entire self help industry.
For more reading on becoming happy alone see more:
I hope this article helped you figure out at least one way to become happier. If you use this information daily, you’ll see a better life outcome. Now remember, you have control over your emotions.
So it’s in your best interest to take control over your life and become happier for your family, friends but more importantly for yourself.